July 25 | The Main Event:

Breakfast, beverages and copious amounts of your favorite performance-enhancing substances all to be provided first thing in the morning. Serious attention focused on hamstrings remains gentlemen's rule. Inevitably, tensions begin to build. Phil typically takes his shirt off early to get things moving. Kruse reveals this year's stars-and-stripes young women’s yoga shorts he’ll be wearing for the day. Alli, Becca and Kristen whisper to each other and laugh at something no one else hears as they watch their husbands finish their 3rd "hurricane" each of the morning. Fulmer is throwing his hand through his lettuce. Someone confirmed that Pieri should be landing at DTW Airport within the next couple hours. Lynn takes a knee, gathers earth into her hands and brings it up to her nose while staring out across the battlefield. Shit is about to get real.

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Reminder: we have a dense schedule with high stakes to execute. As such, please respect the strict competition start time of PROMPTLY whenever the host finally prints off brackets.

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And then we fight.

 

As scores are finalized, our proprietary double-blind / math-adjacent audit (Arena) must formally nod before anything may be considered official before moving on to Closing Ceremonies.

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We start with junior crew. While there can be only one champion per year, we hope that the early involvement inspires a lifelong love of lawn sports. And then we celebrate the presentation of such a timeless and understated trophy to our new junior champ.

 

Almost immediately, we forget about children and turn our attention to the big leagues.  While wearing The Green Jacket for maybe the last time, the outgoing steps centerstage. Respect is paid as they prepare to execute their final duty. They say some quick words about their own experiences but know that the moment is not theirs. It is for the new champion whom they adorn with The Green Jacket for the first time.

 

The king is dead, long live the king.